Focus on Writing

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Tackling a blog you want to be successful can be really frustrating. I’m finding myself pushing my voice down in search for ideas. I’m focusing too much on the numbers aspect of this, instead of the purpose of my blog.

I’m constantly thinking about defining this website, and I get a little closer each time.

Here are the updated reasons for having this blog.

  1. To express myself
  2. To practice writing
  3. To connect with others.

I can already notice that thinking about making this blog successful has had an impact on how I plan for what to write. I don’t like this, because it’s closing off the open feeling I had when I started writing.

There’s a lot of information on the web about increasing traffic, improving your blog, etc. I’m bogging myself down in all of this information, and losing sight of the fact that this is a safe place for me to articulate my thoughts.

It’s easy for me to start thinking about how boring I must be, and trying to think of ways to change that. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important to look at yourself subjectively and improve. But I’m starting to get caught up in the gimmicky shit, and it’s really not helpful.

Chasing after 2000 words, for instance, has been making this really difficult. I think it’s crucial to have goals and go after them, but this isn’t helping me. It makes it too easy to write a bunch of garbage just to take up space, and that’s the least of what I would like to do.

So I’m switching over the concepts of what I’d like to give and receive from this blog. I would like to offer new perspectives, a person who understands, and a place where people with mental illness are welcome and safe.

As far as what I would like to receive, that’s taking a big turn. I’m doing my best not to focus on getting big numbers and popularity, and instead on the purpose of what I am doing.

I’m being completely honest when I say that sometimes I do think about the money when I do this. I’m guilty of searching how many followers you need to make money, and how much money can be made.

This kind of thinking is only harming my writing though, and making sitting down to write more of a chore. This should just feel right, like a release of emotions.

I’m also trying not to let myself think about getting big fast. I find myself comparing to other blogs that hit it off within the first month, and feeling like if I don’t do the same I’m a failure. This is just making me feel like crap though, and isn’t helping me at all.

I’m still thinking about things I can do to improve the blog for readers. Rather then thinking about it in a selfish way, I think I will shift focus onto improving things for readers, and not on increasing traffic.

Writing feels good when it just flows naturally, when my brain lets me play around with the words.

My self-esteem also keeps me from writing what’s really inside. It’s hard to open up to strangers on the internet at first. I’m finding myself getting more comfortable with it though.

So here we are at around 5-600 words. I feel that I can say the same thing in that many words, as I could in 2000. There just isn’t much there yet, or rather, not much has come to the surface yet. As I learn how to open up more, and articulate my thoughts better, it will only be natural that I will be writing more.

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