Depressed

I’m so frustrated and depressed today. The anhedonia is hitting me like a sack of bricks. There’s so many things I’d like to accomplish but I’m just not feeling it today.

My house is an absolute mess, I let it get so bad. I can’t bring myself to get up and do the work. And I’m sure the mess is adding to the depression. The weight set I bought is still sitting in the corner unused.

I can’t bring myself to write anything because my mind is so blank today. I’m not really thinking about anything except my frustration with my situation.

Today I can’t stop thinking of all the things I would be doing if it wasn’t for the mental illness. I know I would have had potential to make something of myself if it wasn’t for this. So far I’m living with my parents at 26, unemployed, with no friends. This isn’t what I thought was going to happen with my life.

I want more then anything to start a business, it’s been my dream since I was a little kid. I don’t have the drive to do something like that. Owning a business means so much work, discipline and courage. I’m lucky if I can motivate myself to clean up the kitchen.

These are the worst kind of days, where I’m just a ball of anger. I feel like something was stolen from me. My life was stolen from me.

What’s worse is even if I do accomplish something, I probably won’t be able to enjoy it. I have a lot of depersonalization and derealisation, so I rarely feel much of anything except anger.

I hate my blog today. I hate my writing, I hate my lack of motivation.

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7 thoughts on “Depressed

  1. Days like you describe are so hard. Sometimes we just need to let them happen and try our best not to question them, however difficult that may be. Tomorrow is another day, see how you feel then.

    Like

  2. I can relate to a lot of this. Some days are just the shit. I was close to deleting my blog and giving up on writing. But I pushed through and managed to write a post, just like you did. I hop you keep blogging. I really like your honesty.

    Like

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