I’ve been finding great solace in my poetry lately. It feels really good to just release while being creative at the same time. There’s been a lot of prayers in my poetry lately, and it’s been very soothing for me to communicate this way with God. It’s easy for me to forget to talk to him during the day, unless something bad happens where I need his help. It seems awkward sometimes to give praise to him through thinking-prayers, but writing it out in words has so much more meaning to me. It feels more genuine.
It’s been very weird for me to have my faith slowly coming back to me. I was so against religion for the past 10 years of my life. I grew up with god in my life, and around the age of 17 I turned my back on him. And things went downhill from there. Everything got so much worse, the most trying times of my life were during those 10 years. I simply can’t deny that since getting to know God once again that my life has been improving. Is it blessings? Is it coincidence? Who really knows the answer to that question. All I know is I feel a great amount of peace and hope with my reborn faith.
Perhaps belief in God is just a coping mechanism humans developed in their evolution. Something for the weak to cope with fear of death, loss, creation. If that’s the case then I suppose I am one of the weak who needs that support system. I used to be afraid of people using this argument against my faith. Now I accept without shame that either my faith is in something true, or I am simply one of the ones who needs religion to function. I don’t think people should feel shame for that. We are not all Richard Feynman and Neil Degrasse Tyson.
Either way, I am excited to have a relationship once again with God. I suppose most wouldn’t consider me a perfect christian. I have many flaws, I don’t go to church often, my works don’t always express my faith. But my belief is that it is through faith alone that I am saved.
I also don’t necessarily think Christianity is the only true way to god. Perhaps this makes me not a true Christian. That’s okay with me. I think it’s possible there are many paths to God. I think it really comes down to wanting to live in his ways of Love that allows us to be with him.
Sometimes I wonder if hell is just a place for people who enjoy that way of life, the anti-love. And if that’s really heaven for them, and if we are all saved in the sense that God gives us the life according to the way we want to live our lives. If this present life is just a sorting of some kind for everybody’s personal paradise. Maybe there are many Heaven’s and Hell’s. Maybe those who wish to turn to dust will simply turn to dust.
Perhaps the way our brains work are very different from each other, and each religion or non-religion is just the way we understand what we want in life. I personally feel Christianity is just the closest thing to my understanding of God.
I don’t know all the answers. Maybe I’ll go to hell for these beliefs. Maybe I’ll just die and humanity will go on without me, without God. Is that really Faith then? I don’t know. I have faith that I will be saved because God Loves me. So that does sound like faith. Maybe it’s a paradox? I love those.
I hope this doesn’t offend anybody, these are just my personal ponderings and beliefs.