Touching the sickle tonight
I hope I do not bleed too deep
Forgive me for being weak
I guess I’m not done falling down
I have not tasted honey in months
It is soothing and robust
If only I were stronger
I would not be in this position
Watching the fizzle on the bottle
Reminds me of older days
When I did not have a handle on it
I will not continue this for months
I know in moderation I am safe
But it does not take the sting away
From knowing that I am not done healing
Soberly, and without numbing myself
The pain is greater tonight then I expected
I was not prepared for this jostling of heart
Maybe next time I will remind myself first
That it does not fix a single thing
But for now I will enjoy myself
Taking gentle sips with a smile
It’s only for tonight I tell myself
Can I keep that promise true?
I think that I can
I only touch the brew once in a blue moon
And I am avoiding the harsh spirits
The ones that bring anxiety
Forgiving myself will be hard tomorrow
But I have not bought enough for a headache
Only my pride will hurt come morning
When I have to check off day one
To those who partake on weekends
This may seem like blown proportions
But I take it very seriously
That I bought a six pack tonight
