Too eager

img_20170222_162419

Abstract by OurDepression

 

I cannot contain myself

Years of neglecting patience

Has turned me into a foolish painter

I am seeking the instant thrill

The gratification that costs me nothing

 

I would like to be able to focus

A deliberate brushstroke escapes me

Rushing to get an outcome

I forget about the process

Containing myself feels impossible

 

Is it my illness that blocks my abilities?

Or have I simply forgotten how to concentrate?

Frustration grows quickly inside of me

And before long the soft bird I was creating

Becomes a frantic piece of abstract

 

I hope that one day I can relax

Lose myself in the art of making

Most I fear I will never calm down

Because of fear of not being aware of surroundings

Does my post trauma disallow me to cope?

 

I will not give up so easily

My next artwork will be different

Perhaps it will end up a smearing of colors again

But before that happens I will try hard

To put all of my effort into succeeding

img_20170222_165744

Abstract by OurDepression

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