The wave

When I make footprints on the road to strength

My mind saunters into the black empty spaces

Where nothing is known and everything is new

Invisible threats activate my nervous system

An overpowering sense of tipping

I ride the wave


I never left completely

Oh god why I am so afraid

To tap into the breathing of my lungs

And see that they are not functional


When I shy from you

I do not understand it

Why can’t I pray?


Where does my heart go

What has blackened my vision

So that all I sense is fear


Lord although I need you

Still I am anxious

To be free in my expression


Release me from this cell

Comfort my aches

So that I may be whole

Hope in fear

Some days

I do not know

What to do with myself

Because I have not

Felt this good

For awhile


I am lost

As to where to

Direct my attention


I have fear

Of loss of control

Losing myself to pain

And of moving backwards

To the slump I was in

Only yesterday


I try to

Have courage

Through the anxiety


I hope

That this high

Lasts for some time

So that I may enjoy

The soothing



The specters are cloaked in blackness

Haunting the corners of my bedroom

I have not slept there for a month

Instead I rest on the couch in the spare room where it feels safe

A man my age should not be afraid of such things

Yet the feeling that I am experiencing is strong and inescapable

Is it a form of psychosis?

Truly I cannot tell the difference between madness and evil presence


Some nights I can muster the courage to face my demons

Will I lay in my own bed tonight?

The sofa brings aches and pains

I know I must grow out of this fear

But it’s hard to fight things I cannot see or touch


I go through periods of strength

I am not always afraid of spirits

Maybe it is the change I am going through that brings agitation

The terror I have in facing life manifest as a dark force

If only I knew the answer

Then a solution may be had


Some nights prayer is the only light that saves me from distress

Holding a bible close by is like putting on a suit of armor

Perhaps my faith seeking mother can say a blessing over my room

To keep the wraiths from staying there


I only wish I didn’t feel so alone

On nights that my Love is with me the fear vanishes

I feel at peace with her by my side

And when company spends time with me

I am distracted and feel warmth in my home


It is really the cold emptiness that most scares me

I am stuck in the room with nothing but air

What else is cold and empty?

Dead things are

And if I am honest

When I am so alone

All I can sense is death

Is it my own mortality that I am so afraid of?

I think not

It is fear of fear itself that sends me into a panic

How can I brighten up my resting place so that it feels full of life?

If only I knew

Fear and motivation

I’m Anxious

I Drank too much coffee



Are giving me heartburn



Because I’m in a mixed state


Goals and fear

Clashing in my head


Music soothes

Writing brings me back to life


The evil one

He knocks on my glass door


Armor protects

Yeah Lord your holy armor


Nowhere to hide

I must face this once again


Two in the morning

My mind’s doing five hundred



Help me

Prayer for your return

Lord I’m coming undone

Surely I am not at peace

Why has this befallen me?


Where did my smile go?

The happiness I felt yesterday

Is it gone like the wind?


Have I overstimulated myself?

I feel like it’s all too much

Perhaps I need to sleep


But how do I escape this paradox?

I cannot sleep because I am anxious

And I am anxious because I do not sleep


I need you Lord

Oh god I need you so much

Where have you gone?


Return to me swiftly

Please I am asking you

To bring your Love to me

Attention seeker

Seeking regard

From strangers who

I have never met

Is my ecstasy


A strange addiction

That may get me

Into trouble when

The attention ends


Loneliness cuts deep

Into my heart when

I should be sleeping but

Instead I lay awake


So I write out my

Anxieties and

The things that I

am afraid of


Hoping for just one

More person to

Gaze in my direction and

Give me that rush

Anxious tonight

Knowledge of the future

If forthright I would have no fear

But it is not

So I will have courage


I will count on you Lord

To see me through the darkness

Lift my spirits

For I need you now


I’m infatuated

Yes Love is the answer

So hold me tight


I’m tired and slogged

And choking on my tears

My soul tortured

Night and day


Reassure me

Step into my mind

And stomp fear

With Love