The wave

When I make footprints on the road to strength

My mind saunters into the black empty spaces

Where nothing is known and everything is new

Invisible threats activate my nervous system

An overpowering sense of tipping

I ride the wave

Advertisements

Untitled

 

“I am Harbinger, I am Death”

Says the man dressed in black

“I am Lucifer, I am Beelzebub”

His voice is booming over the sea

*

My ship is small

The wind threatens to overthrow me

I hide in the cabin

And pray for steady waters

*

“I am Amon, I am Balaam”

The man dressed in black sits on my stern

“I am Shiva, I am behemoth”

“You will surely die this day”

*

I do not know my fate

I never left completely

Oh god why I am so afraid

To tap into the breathing of my lungs

And see that they are not functional

 

When I shy from you

I do not understand it

Why can’t I pray?

 

Where does my heart go

What has blackened my vision

So that all I sense is fear

 

Lord although I need you

Still I am anxious

To be free in my expression

 

Release me from this cell

Comfort my aches

So that I may be whole

Scheming

How far can I push the beams that support?

Before they collapse under the strain of holding me up?

I pray that I may prove myself worthy

That my visions for the future do not seem faulty

Many times have I fallen

How can they stay here to watch me rise once again?

What is in my eyes that holds them so close?

I stand where I must

And lay down when I am sleepy

She is there to share my bed with me

Does she know I will not stop trying?

If so, does she really believe it?

Fear is my foe tonight

Loss is in the back of my mind

I do not know what I would do without Love

Will she continue to offer it to me?

Or have I schemed too many times?

Haunted

The specters are cloaked in blackness

Haunting the corners of my bedroom

I have not slept there for a month

Instead I rest on the couch in the spare room where it feels safe

A man my age should not be afraid of such things

Yet the feeling that I am experiencing is strong and inescapable

Is it a form of psychosis?

Truly I cannot tell the difference between madness and evil presence

 

Some nights I can muster the courage to face my demons

Will I lay in my own bed tonight?

The sofa brings aches and pains

I know I must grow out of this fear

But it’s hard to fight things I cannot see or touch

 

I go through periods of strength

I am not always afraid of spirits

Maybe it is the change I am going through that brings agitation

The terror I have in facing life manifest as a dark force

If only I knew the answer

Then a solution may be had

 

Some nights prayer is the only light that saves me from distress

Holding a bible close by is like putting on a suit of armor

Perhaps my faith seeking mother can say a blessing over my room

To keep the wraiths from staying there

 

I only wish I didn’t feel so alone

On nights that my Love is with me the fear vanishes

I feel at peace with her by my side

And when company spends time with me

I am distracted and feel warmth in my home

 

It is really the cold emptiness that most scares me

I am stuck in the room with nothing but air

What else is cold and empty?

Dead things are

And if I am honest

When I am so alone

All I can sense is death

Is it my own mortality that I am so afraid of?

I think not

It is fear of fear itself that sends me into a panic

How can I brighten up my resting place so that it feels full of life?

If only I knew

Fear and motivation

I’m Anxious

I Drank too much coffee

*

Cigarettes

Are giving me heartburn

*

Confused

Because I’m in a mixed state

*

Goals and fear

Clashing in my head

*

Music soothes

Writing brings me back to life

*

The evil one

He knocks on my glass door

*

Armor protects

Yeah Lord your holy armor

*

Nowhere to hide

I must face this once again

*

Two in the morning

My mind’s doing five hundred

*

God

Help me

Anxious tonight

Knowledge of the future

If forthright I would have no fear

But it is not

So I will have courage

*

I will count on you Lord

To see me through the darkness

Lift my spirits

For I need you now

*

I’m infatuated

Yes Love is the answer

So hold me tight

*

I’m tired and slogged

And choking on my tears

My soul tortured

Night and day

*

Reassure me

Step into my mind

And stomp fear

With Love