Hazy

Lord if you hear me

And if you are kind

I could use a little comfort

To ease my mind

I’m happy with progress

And the way that things are

But there’s still a black surface

Resting under the scar

I’m not the same person

Inside and out

Some things are better

Others bring doubt

I ask that you lift me

Up out of this haze

Give my life purpose

And show me your ways

 

Untitled

God it was like a car hit me in the chest

And when I got up again I was never the same

You said that you will love me always

Oh Lord why can’t I believe it

 

 

Make me raw again

Oh God make me raw again

I want to feel the nerves in my flesh

 

Will I ever be me, the way you made me?

Can I ever let go of the blocks that I built?

 

Lord let me in please oh God let me in

Bad night

God be with me and stay with me

Keep me company through this trial

The evildoer threatens me

Even enticing me with poetic words

He is so close that he nearly invades my prayer

Keep my words simple and true

Let me talk to you with my heart

And only through your own love

Give my words power

I have not spoken out loud to you

In a very long time

But tonight I am so afraid

That I called upon you with my mouth

Keep me safe and sane

Oh God I am so afraid

Be with me

Please forgive me

I have brought evil on myself

And allowed it to enter my home

My breathing is shallow

And my chest hurts

My head is thumping

And my limbs are weak

Oh Lord stay with me

Please do not leave my side

Use your power to protect me

Listen to my prayer

I never left completely

Oh god why I am so afraid

To tap into the breathing of my lungs

And see that they are not functional

 

When I shy from you

I do not understand it

Why can’t I pray?

 

Where does my heart go

What has blackened my vision

So that all I sense is fear

 

Lord although I need you

Still I am anxious

To be free in my expression

 

Release me from this cell

Comfort my aches

So that I may be whole

Stay for awhile

Lord have you seen me floating

Untroubled and smiling?

Have you seen me passionate

In both joy and excitement?

When you look down at me

Do you smile as well?

 

I have felt things that I thought were lost

But even so

A dark blotch sits in the corner

Pulsating

Threatening to overtake me

 

I know what I must do

Put palette knives on canvas

And leave worry for another time

What?

Sinner

Who fucked up

Winner

Who got fucked up

Yeah God

You dealt me a strange hand

Cause I know I could be better then this

If you didn’t give me this prollem’

Depression, anxiety

Fuckin’ schizoaffective disorder

What would I have been

A king

Lord of a manor

Maserati’s and Maybach’s

At least I got my candor

Yeah thank you God for what I got

Cause I know it could be so much worse

I got love from different places

My life is worth living

Yeah I guess you dealt me a couple aces

So can’t you see God?

Can’t you see why I’m confused?

Cause’ I know it could have gone up or down

But instead I’m right in the middle

Where nothing moves

So what do I need God?

You tell me

Should I suffer some more?

Or is it about time I got a break?

I’ll trust you can figure that shit out

And give me a fuckin’ answer

Cause right now it’s black and it’s blue

It’s a fucked up situation and I’m lookin’ at you

Blessed

Money and respect gives me a high

But it does not compare to God’s Love

*

I find great comfort in his compassion

And his promise to the everlasting

*

As I sit in my room contemplating the future

Nothing brings me more tranquility than Him

*

I am born of sin and immorality

And battle my desires everyday

*

But I know that He is with me

Through the thick of it

*

When I write from the Heart

My greatest feelings and concerns

The anxieties and my dreams

It is through Him that I am eased

*

I am afraid of ridicule

And I hide my faith

*

I know this hurts Him

I ask forgiveness for my cowardice

*

One day I hope to be stronger

To show my respect without fear

*

Until that day comes

I will continue to pray

*

I Love you Lord

And I give my thanks for your blessings

Lord forgive me

Lord I feel great ego

Can I let it drive me for awhile?

Cause I can’t stop

*

I’ve conquered challenges

That I never thought I could

And I’m still climbing

*

Lord I know I shouldn’t chase material things

But tonight my greed overtakes

I want the money and the titles

*

Let me reach my goals

And make me humble along the way

Always keep my heart close

*

Black cars, white rugs

Oh lord how tempting

Save me

*

I’ll always do my best

To keep what’s true to you in mind

And I’ll Say Love when I can

*

So carry me through

Promise me your Love

And forgive me