The casters are sliding
Slipping across the concrete
A scratching cacophony
Careening out of control
I cannot catch the corners
Crisp and light in my fingertips
With carefulness I can guide
But I can’t contain it’s slithering
So I stir up courage
And hope the cancer does not sustain
Caressing my stillness
Steering across cracks in the floor
That counter it’s succinct complexity
I am stolen into complacency
I am not sober
My depression is strong
My road is long
My heart is tired
My feelings is tired
Yeah I’m fuckin’ broke
Just wanna live my life
Fuck all this strife
Escape to the skies
My head’s in the skies
Yeah I’m a fuckin’ joke
Been waiting for better
Fuck all this bad weather
I’m choking on tears
Livin’ in my fears
Drifting on by
Drifting on by
Yeah I’m fuckin’ broke
Don’t be like me
Make that your decree
My hope is gone
My motivation is gone
Yeah I’m a fuckin’ joke
Touching the sickle tonight
I hope I do not bleed too deep
Forgive me for being weak
I guess I’m not done falling down
I have not tasted honey in months
It is soothing and robust
If only I were stronger
I would not be in this position
Watching the fizzle on the bottle
Reminds me of older days
When I did not have a handle on it
I will not continue this for months
I know in moderation I am safe
But it does not take the sting away
From knowing that I am not done healing
Soberly, and without numbing myself
The pain is greater tonight then I expected
I was not prepared for this jostling of heart
Maybe next time I will remind myself first
That it does not fix a single thing
But for now I will enjoy myself
Taking gentle sips with a smile
It’s only for tonight I tell myself
Can I keep that promise true?
I think that I can
I only touch the brew once in a blue moon
And I am avoiding the harsh spirits
The ones that bring anxiety
Forgiving myself will be hard tomorrow
But I have not bought enough for a headache
Only my pride will hurt come morning
When I have to check off day one
To those who partake on weekends
This may seem like blown proportions
But I take it very seriously
That I bought a six pack tonight
Abstract by OurDepression
I cannot contain myself
Years of neglecting patience
Has turned me into a foolish painter
I am seeking the instant thrill
The gratification that costs me nothing
I would like to be able to focus
A deliberate brushstroke escapes me
Rushing to get an outcome
I forget about the process
Containing myself feels impossible
Is it my illness that blocks my abilities?
Or have I simply forgotten how to concentrate?
Frustration grows quickly inside of me
And before long the soft bird I was creating
Becomes a frantic piece of abstract
I hope that one day I can relax
Lose myself in the art of making
Most I fear I will never calm down
Because of fear of not being aware of surroundings
Does my post trauma disallow me to cope?
I will not give up so easily
My next artwork will be different
Perhaps it will end up a smearing of colors again
But before that happens I will try hard
To put all of my effort into succeeding
Abstract by OurDepression
Letting go of the addiction to numbness
Means accepting emotions long left underneath
Fluttering in and out in swarms
Forgotten hurt floats to the surface
I am reminded today that I feel worthless
A slithering darkness is showing through
Forgive me for my self pity
But I must ask why I was made this way
So sensitive and fragile and loving
Not attuned to the competition of life
I try to define my own masculinity
But any beauty I behold is not seen
What world do I fit into?
Who could look up to me with pride?
I am nothingness, emptiness
A bottle that holds no message
I am tender, I am gentle
I seek love and understanding
Traits not wanted
Traits not desired
I am trampled for seeking Love
I am trampled for sharing Love
And though I complain of pain and sorrows
I cannot change the heart that beats inside
I am the man that I am
I can only hope to influence others
To be the people I need them to be
The people we all need them to be
Because we are all hurting inside
There are not enough men with kind hearts
There is not enough understanding in this life
With confidence in my strength through Love
I may mentor those who are lost along the way
I can foresee a gathering of brothers and sisters
Who are open to their vulnerability
An evolution of minds and spirits
A reforming of our human nature
Perhaps I will lose some things along the way
Perhaps my vision will not be seen
I must carry on with my callings
I must carry on through the hurt
Because I am the man that I am
Hypo-mania, the liar
An embarrassing high
I make promises that I cannot keep
I do believe in dreaming
But dreams should be sought after with stability
I must make work of my ideas
In a way that is not harmful to self
How can I fight an invisible force?
With courage and hope no doubt
Giving up is not an option
Moving forwards is the only answer
But how do I draw the line
Between false hope and good ideas?
Perhaps I will always be stuck here
In purgatory of instability
I do not want to lose fulfillment
I can make light of the situation
Enjoy the time I am given here
Appreciate those that I love
And try to seek good mental health
My most expressive moments
Are lived in my greatest struggles
Is that not beautiful?
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Can I not take comfort
In the moments as they pass
Encapsulated in pain?
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It is a good fight
No, it is not a noble brawl
But rather a battle for my spoils
Shall I not collect them
When my opponent
Has fallen again?
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Withered
Scraped clean
By sharp boulders
Flesh is exposed anew
Only to heal as scars
Strong as iron
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A new man
Born out of fire
Powerful
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Love
Falter
Rise
How far can I push the beams that support?
Before they collapse under the strain of holding me up?
I pray that I may prove myself worthy
That my visions for the future do not seem faulty
Many times have I fallen
How can they stay here to watch me rise once again?
What is in my eyes that holds them so close?
I stand where I must
And lay down when I am sleepy
She is there to share my bed with me
Does she know I will not stop trying?
If so, does she really believe it?
Fear is my foe tonight
Loss is in the back of my mind
I do not know what I would do without Love
Will she continue to offer it to me?
Or have I schemed too many times?
Taking risks will encourage ambitions
Treacherous paths are life changing
Pursuit of fulfillment is frightening indeed
It is important to seek personal growth through hardship
Facing fear with a sturdy grip on the ground
Through repeated failure success is born
The coal, while under pressure, becomes the diamond
I am ready to commit to dreams that are dangerous
With an even temperament for unjust circumstance
Falling is necessary
Hurt is necessary
So I will do what my heart tells me to do
Living life to the fullest that I may
Eyes firmly planted on horizons where dreams are made
And though I may change my path over time
There is no right way to go about this
It is only learning and correcting
Love firmly without restraint
Follow the drums that beat in your chest
And travel to the farthest places you may reach
In my solitude I found myself gnashing my teeth
Frustration and depression seething inside of me
I am lifted up by the support of one who understands
Whose laughter and common traits bring me happiness
It is those most close to us who we sometimes rely on for tranquility
Who motivate us to become robust in the face of trepidation
They are our guiding light through darkness
Their spirits inspiring us to look at life with eyes refreshed
When I am alone I am most vulnerable
To insidious thoughts that overtake
I must reach out to others when I am low
For it is gainful to have strong friendships
Like minded individuals are our mirror
To see our strengths and our weaknesses
So that we can build each other up high
Reaching the heavens with our bonds
I am lucky to have met those who appreciate me
Whose gentle utterance of encouragement establish us
When we internalize their compliments
Our passions will reveal themselves to our souls
Our Depression 